WEEKENDDDDD

Reasons why this weekend is going to be awesome:

• leaving for Beaumont today to meet C's parents...yikes! I'm nervous but still excited.
• I'm actually getting out of Austin and going somewhere else..albeit Beaumont, but still. I'm getting out of this city and I don't have to work this weekend.
• Wait..what?! I don't have to work?! AMAZING!
• Getting my car back Sunday :)
• C's meeting MY parents in the Woodlands on Sunday too..woaah! so much family time.
• got a new owl necklace on (picture below) from one of my residents
• Which reminds me..my residents are awesome. Probably the best on campus. Just sayinnnn.

• it's absolutely beautiful outside today, perfect weather for a road trip! :-)
• I've got a show coming up in 4 days...weeeooo! and new music to play as well, heck yes!
• Anddd I like my outfit for today too. A Forever 21 dress + black tights + black flats = Jardin actually woke up and tried today. Big news.

Anyways. That's all I've got for now...we're about to leave here soon so my blog-a-loo might be a little empty these next few days...which only means I'll have plenty to talk about next time I get back on! Cheers to a beautiful weekend, I hope you spend it in smiles and love, as you should be doing anyways. Love love love!

xo
Jardin

Damn Lady Gaga, or should I say Stefani Germanotta...you've got some lungs on you. THIS is music, and real talent, and just..GAHHH. I could listen to this style for forever. I wish you'd sing like this sometimes Gaga, or maybe put out an album with just you and the piano and your voice...no auto tune or synth crap like all your other songs. This is real talent, and I have huge respect for you. Girl....you've got a voice, that's for sure.

Show April 5th!

Puppy Love *woof*

Oh and I get to see this little bundle of love (or rather I should say BIG bundle of love now...sheeesh she's grown fast!) this coming Sunday - she keeps getting bigger and bigger each time that I see her. But she's still absolutely adorable and 100% made up of love. Chris and I are driving from Beaumont to The Woodlands on Sunday so that he can meet my mom and of course this little lady pictured above - I'll be giving him a mini-tour of The Woodlands and introducing him to my wonderful car which I will be driving back up to Austin with me on late Sunday afternoon. This weekend is looking up to be a good one - family, puppies, kitties, love, boyfriend, driving, CAR....I don't think Friday could get here soon enough!

Finding your beauty from within:

This is me:

I'm not perfect: I wear glasses/contacts because I have horrible eye sight, I wear my hair up a lot because I hate dealing with how thick it is in the mornings, one of my eyes is slightly bigger than the other, I don't have a lot of money to spend on the latest fashion, I'm always dying my hair because I can't just be happy with the color that it is, and I don't think that I'll ever be happy at my weight, regardless of how much I weigh.

I've had to learn over the past few years of my life, especially as I come into an age where I really start to develop myself as a person and learn more about who I am, that I will never be truly happy with myself until I just let my insecurities go. Of course every now and then it's okay to feel down on yourself for something, but if you can't see yourself for who you are: a beautiful, strong, individual, then it's going to be hard later on in your life to see what everyone else sees in you. I have such a hard time accepting compliments from people, but I've had to realize that it's okay to say "thanks" when they say you look pretty, or they like your outfit, or whatever! It's okay to be happy with yourself. IF you can't feel confidence in yourself then it's going to be hard for others to see that in you either.

I used to be extremely self conscious about my weight, my hair, the way my face looked... of course I still worry about those things, but on a much smaller scale now. I know I've got curves. I'm not stick thin and I don't weigh 100 pounds. But I'm so much happier with myself now that I've learned to love me for ME, and not some ideal figure who I will probably never look like. I feel like since I've developed a much stronger sense of "self" over the past year especially, that other people have begun to notice it as well. And they can't help it! The more I smile about myself, the more others will see your beautiful shine radiating off from you also. I remember one time last October sitting and talking with one of my friends who'd come into my work, and I remember him just telling me how much happier and just more...excited about life I seemed. And he told me that while he had always thought me to be a beautiful person, he felt that he could truly see the colors coming off of me like never before, as if I exuberated something that I didn't have before. I feel that because of my own self acknowledgement in the fact that I am a beautiful being, and I'm awesome for just being me, that that was simply enough for him to recognize the transformation I'd gone through - and that's a cool feeling to realize when other people can see the beauty that you've always had inside but never known about.

I'm not perfect, and I have so much more to work on, but I do know that I am a beautiful person, with a lot of good things I want to do for the world, and a lot of people that I hope I can inspire throughout my lifespan. I want to give love, receive love, and be love, and before I can achieve that, I have to realize first the beauty inside me, waiting for me to reach out to others to spread around - this world is made with all beautiful souls, jsut waiting to spread the love.

Are you willing to accept yourself for the beautiful "you" that you already are?
I sure hope so :)

xo
Jardin

Late Night Musings: The Drained-Brain Edition.

The man friend is in the computer lab studying right now, and I'm here in his room blogging when I should be finishing up my paper. I only have...ohh.. about 6 lines on it left to write before I'm finished with the damn thing, but of course, procrastination being my middle name, I opt for my social media sites instead. 

I often times wonder how I ended up with someone so wonderful as C...I know I've talked about him a lot in my past posts, but I still can't help but think that after everything I've gone through and after all the pain I've had to deal with, that I would still end up with someone so good for me that I could truly know what it means to be in a healthy relationship.


Several of my friends right now are going through relationship troubles themselves, and it's weird because I feel like I'm usually the one caught in the middle of some relational turmoil, but now that my status is in a state of peace, and I'm hearing from them about everything that's on their minds, I can't help but see myself in both of their situations. 


I've realized that from my time with C, although we haven't been together that long, I know now what it means to be in a healthy relationship - when someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, they want to spend all their time with you, always want to be around you, show you off to their friends, etc...it's hard when you've been in a relationship so empty to see the good in people sometimes, but now after being in probably the most fulfilling relationship of my life to date, I'm hoping to use this experience now to give as much advice as possible to my friends in need. I've honestly had some of the shittiest things happen to me, I've been with someone who bruised my heart so bad, I know what it feels like to be hurt - I know what it feels like to be rejected, and I know that the only thing worse than being alone is being in a relationship and still feeling alone. There are some things in life that no matter how many months and years have gone by, you might be able to forgive someone for hurting you so bad, but you certainly can't forget what they did to you. I try to use these experiences in the most positive way possible, in noting that I know when I have something good I've got to appreciate it. I know a good thing (or a good someone) when I have it...or at least I do now. And I know enough to appreciate the love I've found in these past couple months is something that most people don't find enough of, unfortunately. I try to share my good experiences of love and positivity with those hurting around me not to gloat but to try and push hope and rays of light to the dark times I know people sometimes face. 


I love my friends more than anything in the world, and to see them hurting now truly affects me to the point where I hurt for them too - these people do not deserve what's been going on to them, and I only hope that they can continue to see the good things that are going on in their life for them to realize that their is hope for them in the near future. Things always get worse before they get better, or at least sometimes that has to be the case. 


I made a pact with myself several months ago that after seeing several people in my life, both of who are extremely close to me, get hurt beyond recognition, that I would NEVER do anything purposefully again to hurt another human being. I have seen too much pain and destruction happen to some of the best people in the world to want to do harm to anyone else. I have been through too much shit myself too to realize that it's not worth it to put someone through the stress of an emotional breakdown. I feel like love doesn't get around too much these days, and that's unfortunate...there needs to be more love and happiness floating around in the hearts of the world for the sun to keep on shining.


But anyways...I speak loosely now. My thoughts are flowing but I need to get back to my paper...I can only hope that those closest to me realize that things DO get better, and that despite all the shit that's been going on, there are always people around to talk to, to cry with, and to let it all go..because sometimes, that's really all you need.


In love (and smiles) always...


xo
Jardin