Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Universal Truths.
And the stars fell fast,
One by one they dropped out of the sky.
Light racing, rushing, floating across billions of years of galaxy.
Engulfed in the light of the moon,
Captured in the heat of the sun.
The stars fell into spaces unknown,
A rhythm so beautiful, so soft.
Can you hear the songs they whisper?
Into my ear, into my ear.
I can hear these little balls of gas humming, as if in unison.
Sighing, breathlessly. Words unheard,
words unspoken, thoughts left unquestioned.
My heart raced, skipped a beat,
as I watched my mind lose itself amongst the universe.
One by one they dropped out of the sky.
Light racing, rushing, floating across billions of years of galaxy.
Engulfed in the light of the moon,
Captured in the heat of the sun.
The stars fell into spaces unknown,
A rhythm so beautiful, so soft.
Can you hear the songs they whisper?
Into my ear, into my ear.
I can hear these little balls of gas humming, as if in unison.
Sighing, breathlessly. Words unheard,
words unspoken, thoughts left unquestioned.
My heart raced, skipped a beat,
as I watched my mind lose itself amongst the universe.
January, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
You know those moments in life when you think that life starts to go a little weird and things start to get a little funky, and right when you thought that things couldn't possibly get worse.. well.. they do? Yeaaa. That just happened to me. And what's so funny about it all is that I almost feel so crazy enough as to just sit back and literally laugh out loud at everything that just happened. Seriously. I want to scream my god damn lungs out, laugh like a lunatic, and revel in just how bad things can be.
And it's just funny because I couldn't possibly have imagined things to end up like this. I don't really even know what to think right now. Maybe I should just go to sleep and not think about anything. God I hate sleeping though..even though it's refreshing, I just..I hate laying in bed right before I fall asleep. And I hate waking up. And I hate dreaming about how things could be or how things are or about all the shit that's going on in my life. I hate hate hate the night's right now. I start to feel sick to my stomach, literally. I'll cry myself to sleep sometimes and will drive myself to the physical sensation of wanting to throw up. It's awful. And I can't help it, and I feel pathetic when I do start to cry.
And so I laugh. And I feel crazy, and mad, and out of my mind. At least I'm not sad though, right? I can't really say anything more on this subject, other than I think my brain is about to melt out of my effing head right now and pool itself into a little mass on the ground. Awesome imagery, yeaa?
Anyways. Sleep is in the near future for me, yet I'll put it off tonight until as long as possible. I can't escape it, just like I can't escape my life right now. Life is inevitable, either and any way you look at it. I can't stop it from coming at me head on, sometimes. And sometimes, you just gotta suck it up and deal with it.
And so I'm dealing.
And it's just funny because I couldn't possibly have imagined things to end up like this. I don't really even know what to think right now. Maybe I should just go to sleep and not think about anything. God I hate sleeping though..even though it's refreshing, I just..I hate laying in bed right before I fall asleep. And I hate waking up. And I hate dreaming about how things could be or how things are or about all the shit that's going on in my life. I hate hate hate the night's right now. I start to feel sick to my stomach, literally. I'll cry myself to sleep sometimes and will drive myself to the physical sensation of wanting to throw up. It's awful. And I can't help it, and I feel pathetic when I do start to cry.
And so I laugh. And I feel crazy, and mad, and out of my mind. At least I'm not sad though, right? I can't really say anything more on this subject, other than I think my brain is about to melt out of my effing head right now and pool itself into a little mass on the ground. Awesome imagery, yeaa?
Anyways. Sleep is in the near future for me, yet I'll put it off tonight until as long as possible. I can't escape it, just like I can't escape my life right now. Life is inevitable, either and any way you look at it. I can't stop it from coming at me head on, sometimes. And sometimes, you just gotta suck it up and deal with it.
And so I'm dealing.
Today's note from the Universe...
So, as always, the Universe never fails in sending me messages that seem to help me out just right when I need them the most. Today's especially speaks a lot to me, as I've been caught up in the whirlwind of life these past few weeks...
It wasn't ever supposed to hurt, Jardin. You weren't ever supposed to cry. And I never dreamed you'd sometimes feel so helpless.
Yet, as things have turned out, lots of folks have trouble getting out of bed on cold, dark mornings.
Anyhow, Jardin, should there also be the occasional pain, tear, or touch of sadness beyond that, please realize these were anticipated, bargained for, and even sought after. As each would illuminate your resiliency, prove your strength, and help you blast through every flimsy notion that would otherwise keep you from seeing that even now I hold you in the palm of my hand and that all things are possible.
Such a deal,
The Universe
Despite everything I've gone through, and will go through, despite all the tears, the arguments, and those feelings of hopelessness, I know that in the end everything will work out just fine. I know that I have to go through some hard times right now to realize how much I appreciate when things are good. I have to see the ugly to know the beautiful. And as much as I feel down sometimes, and let the little things get to me (and the big things as well), I must realize that it will all pass eventually.
I still have my dreams, my friends, and the rest of the world that lies in front of me, right before my eyes. It's a whole lot to be excited for, and without all the bumps and minor inconveniences along the way, I probably wouldn't end up being the strong, independent lady that I've developed to be so far.
So cheers to you, universe, you know what you're doing, you know what the future looks like for me, and I trust that if you're in control, then I know I'm in good hands :)
xo
Jardin
It wasn't ever supposed to hurt, Jardin. You weren't ever supposed to cry. And I never dreamed you'd sometimes feel so helpless.
Yet, as things have turned out, lots of folks have trouble getting out of bed on cold, dark mornings.
Anyhow, Jardin, should there also be the occasional pain, tear, or touch of sadness beyond that, please realize these were anticipated, bargained for, and even sought after. As each would illuminate your resiliency, prove your strength, and help you blast through every flimsy notion that would otherwise keep you from seeing that even now I hold you in the palm of my hand and that all things are possible.
Such a deal,
The Universe
Despite everything I've gone through, and will go through, despite all the tears, the arguments, and those feelings of hopelessness, I know that in the end everything will work out just fine. I know that I have to go through some hard times right now to realize how much I appreciate when things are good. I have to see the ugly to know the beautiful. And as much as I feel down sometimes, and let the little things get to me (and the big things as well), I must realize that it will all pass eventually.
I still have my dreams, my friends, and the rest of the world that lies in front of me, right before my eyes. It's a whole lot to be excited for, and without all the bumps and minor inconveniences along the way, I probably wouldn't end up being the strong, independent lady that I've developed to be so far.
So cheers to you, universe, you know what you're doing, you know what the future looks like for me, and I trust that if you're in control, then I know I'm in good hands :)
xo
Jardin
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Pretty sure I want to get THIS for Lawrence's birthday...
It's a coffee-lens MUG. How sweet is that?! I'd say it's pretty awesome. He showed me the pictures of them earlier tonight, and if he can just hold off on his buying spree until I can afford to get this, then I think I want to buy it for him, either for just an "in general" type of gift, or I suppose I could get it for his brithday, albeit it's not until April. hmmm..I'll most likely end up just buying it for him for a whatever type of present, because hey..who doesn't like receiving gifts out of the blue?! Pshhh..I know I certainly don't mind.
But sometimes it's an even nicer feeling to give something to someone when they're not expecting it rather than getting something yourself. There's something so simple and nice about giving unexpected gifts to people that always makes me feel warm inside. But all cheesiness aside, I don't feel like I have to get this for him, it's something that I want to get for him. There's a big difference there. I know he'd enjoy it, I'd enjoy buying it for him.. and hey! It's a pretty badass idea in general. So. Dear LP, please please don't buy before I do. Just let me check my bank accounts to make sure I can splurge on such a tempting little treat for you.
But sometimes it's an even nicer feeling to give something to someone when they're not expecting it rather than getting something yourself. There's something so simple and nice about giving unexpected gifts to people that always makes me feel warm inside. But all cheesiness aside, I don't feel like I have to get this for him, it's something that I want to get for him. There's a big difference there. I know he'd enjoy it, I'd enjoy buying it for him.. and hey! It's a pretty badass idea in general. So. Dear LP, please please don't buy before I do. Just let me check my bank accounts to make sure I can splurge on such a tempting little treat for you.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Austin Java, Friends, HW, & Open Mics.
The title of this post pretty much says it all. Friends + (free) music + coffee + cool atmosphere = a grooood Tuesday night. Yes, I said grood. Not just good, not just great... but grood. My life is awesome.
The Great Fall, Nov. 2007
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
He sat very straight, he sat very tall.
He surveyed the scene, he looked all around,
He glanced down below and saw the king’s town.
“Oh look at me, I’m much better than them,”
Humpty said, on his face as he talked, spread a grin.
“I’m high on this wall, and I couldn’t care less,
If all the townspeople have worries or stress.”
Humpty was proud, to say at the least,
For he didn’t have to kneel on his knees,
To bow to the king who ruled over the land.
He lived by himself, alone he did stand.
But one day he climbed to the top of the wall,
And soon realized he could see nothing at all.
In their anger the gods had taken his sight,
To get him to change and give up the fight.
For if he was blind to the things he can’t see,
Then with the king he’d surely agree.
But in his blindness, he fell off the wall,
He crashed into pieces as a result of his fall.
Try as they might, it was just too late.
For Humpty’s downfall was doomed as his fate.
And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
They couldn't put Humpty together again.
He sat very straight, he sat very tall.
He surveyed the scene, he looked all around,
He glanced down below and saw the king’s town.
“Oh look at me, I’m much better than them,”
Humpty said, on his face as he talked, spread a grin.
“I’m high on this wall, and I couldn’t care less,
If all the townspeople have worries or stress.”
Humpty was proud, to say at the least,
For he didn’t have to kneel on his knees,
To bow to the king who ruled over the land.
He lived by himself, alone he did stand.
But one day he climbed to the top of the wall,
And soon realized he could see nothing at all.
In their anger the gods had taken his sight,
To get him to change and give up the fight.
For if he was blind to the things he can’t see,
Then with the king he’d surely agree.
But in his blindness, he fell off the wall,
He crashed into pieces as a result of his fall.
Try as they might, it was just too late.
For Humpty’s downfall was doomed as his fate.
And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
They couldn't put Humpty together again.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My Sunday...
..has so far consisted of A) work, B) napping, C) a monster energy drink, and D) work..again. But the second time in tonight has reaped benefits for me in the form of tip $$. Which I've decided that I'm going to put all of towards gas for my trip with Lindsay to Portland come March. Of course I'll be putting some of my paycheck money into that fund as well, but I've decided that Jardin's going to have to be extremely unsocial these next few months, work a shit ton, and just put all my tips into a little jar reserved especially for gas. We've got nearly 3,000 miles to drive in getting to Oregon...so. I figure now's as good as time as any to start saving :)
Life is still pretty weird...I'm working things out in in my personal life, and it's still kind of hard. I'm slowly realizing that even if there's only one little part of my life that's going wrong, I shouldn't let it affect the rest of my awesome life at all. My life consists of plenty of amazing people, opportunities, moments, etc., and so to have one small aspect of my life negatively weigh down on everything else isn't fair to me and to my everyday actions.
But in other news, I got an email response back from Tristan Prettyman yesterday, one of my longtime musical inspirations and woman-empowering idols, as well as the newly engaged fiance of Jason Mraz. Two musicians in which I greatly look up to them both. So when I emailed her asking about getting some stickers mailed my way from one of her previous tours and I got an almost immediate response back, it definitely made my day. It's not hard to put a smile on my face, and so receiving her email in the middle of planning my Oregon trip with Lindsay, it put me into an even better mood.
Sometimes it's the small things like an email from one of your biggest inspirations that can help turn your day around, or sometimes it's stepping outside into the beautiful sunshine and breathing in the air and the moment, or sometimes it's getting an A on your final project for a class for which you thought you failed that helps turn even the shittiest day around, or helps get you through the rest of the day when the rest of your life seems to be falling apart.
For me right now, it's the Schoolhouse Rock theme night at work right now with Kara that's helping keep me in good spirits :) I'd say this is a great way to start off the new week and to leave the old week with a smile on my face.
Cheers to life everyone :)
Life is still pretty weird...I'm working things out in in my personal life, and it's still kind of hard. I'm slowly realizing that even if there's only one little part of my life that's going wrong, I shouldn't let it affect the rest of my awesome life at all. My life consists of plenty of amazing people, opportunities, moments, etc., and so to have one small aspect of my life negatively weigh down on everything else isn't fair to me and to my everyday actions.
But in other news, I got an email response back from Tristan Prettyman yesterday, one of my longtime musical inspirations and woman-empowering idols, as well as the newly engaged fiance of Jason Mraz. Two musicians in which I greatly look up to them both. So when I emailed her asking about getting some stickers mailed my way from one of her previous tours and I got an almost immediate response back, it definitely made my day. It's not hard to put a smile on my face, and so receiving her email in the middle of planning my Oregon trip with Lindsay, it put me into an even better mood.
Sometimes it's the small things like an email from one of your biggest inspirations that can help turn your day around, or sometimes it's stepping outside into the beautiful sunshine and breathing in the air and the moment, or sometimes it's getting an A on your final project for a class for which you thought you failed that helps turn even the shittiest day around, or helps get you through the rest of the day when the rest of your life seems to be falling apart.
For me right now, it's the Schoolhouse Rock theme night at work right now with Kara that's helping keep me in good spirits :) I'd say this is a great way to start off the new week and to leave the old week with a smile on my face.
Cheers to life everyone :)
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