The Murdocks - Hole in the Wall - 1.21.2011

Say Anything.

You're the only one I ever loved,
Even when it didn't show.
You're the only one I ever loved,
Even when I didn't know.

Saturdaze.

Here's an owl in a hat to help start your Saturday off right. I don't have much to say at the moment, other than the fact that it looks beautiful and chilly outside, and I can't wait to start planning my Oregon roadtrip with Lindsay as soon as she comes by. Yeaaaaaa. I can't believe we're going to make this happen..it's going to be amazing, and so fun, and I'm very much excited. Portland here we come, baby. Cheers to a beautiful weekend! xo

Gluten free's the way to be.

Ah, the best of both worlds....

Going gluten-free means making a lot of little changes in my everyday diet that I would have never imagined. After 4 months of not being able to drink beer (as all beers are either made with some sort of mix of wheat, rye, barley, etc.), I fiiiinally found a pretty delicious substitute at Whole Foods last weekend: Redbridge Gluten-Free sorghum beer. Ahhhhh. This was an awesome find for me because I'm much more of a beer drinker than I like liquor, shots, vodka, etc. It was sad for me to find out I was gluten-intolerant not only because that meant I had to eliminate all wheat/flour/barley/rye products from my diet, but also because that included most all beers...buh-bye to my XX and Coronas. I had my options between 2 different kinds though, and settled on this one as it seemed to be a bit lighter than the other.

Being gluten-intolerant doesn't mean that my food choices have to be limited - it simply means that I have to be smart about knowing what foods I can and can't have, and learn to enjoy my options I have from everything I can eat. And I can eat a lot! It's just hard when I've gone almost every day of my life eating flour or wheat products on a near to daily basis, and go to strictly eliminating all of that and sticking to corn, potato, and other gluten-esque substitues for my meals. It's a weird change, and it's taken a little bit to adjust to it, but I can already feel how it's positively affected my body. I feel lighter, I have more energy, I feel as if my body doesn't feel so weighed down by the gluten inside.

And this almost works to my advantage, especially right now in the middle of my marathon training, in which I'm trying to train to my body to be as fit as possible. With my gluten-free options, I now have the ability to work towards my ideal goal of a slimmer figure which should only benefit me in the long run towards my training.

It's definitely hard, and especially since it took me 4 months to actually do the research about beer and find out about the 2 beers I can drink, it's something that I'm still getting used to. But I've found lots of alternatives to my daily meals, and I'm excited to say that this is going to be a permanent change to my lifestyle, one that I'm going to work hard at maintaining.

Always. Give love freely - to everyone! To your neighbors, your friends, your family, your girlfriend, boyfriend, cat, mailman, hair stylist, bus driver, dog, fish, the homeless man outside your work.. give it all away. Because it will always be given to you in return, always. Love is infinite, love is always. Love is all around and everywhere. If you give it away you will simply be getting in return as part of the never ending cycle that love portrays. Love just..is. It's pretty rad, and it's all I have to give to you. xo

Coachella 2011.

Making it happen. The lineup is sick. Three days of music. Amazing. April 15th-17th, Friday through Sunday. I want to find people who'll road trip with me out to California, camp out with me there, enjoy the fuck out of life, and leave with a completely new outlook on life. I want to do it. ANDDD you can even put your tickets on layaway and buy it in little bits over the next few months. Sounds like one sexy, sexy deal to me. I'm going to make it happen somehow, even if I have to go alone, it's definitely going to be an experience I'll never forget.

'And then his name was Chancho.'

I don't think I've ever laughed so much tonight than I have in a looooong while. Chris and Bri came to work tonight and waited until I got off so we could go to Kerby Lane for some late night chips and queso. Of course we had some customers come in at 11:01, literally as we're about to lock the store, didn't tip us, didn't even care that we were closing..and just decided to order 3 of the biggest orders we'd had all night. I honestly wouldn't have minded so much if it wasn't PAST closing and I was waiting to get off to enjoy some delicious Cowboy Queso just down the road. Sigh. But being the good scoops that we are, Kara and I helped the 3 ungrateful students out who still stayed and ate all the their ice cream up until 2 minutes before we ourselves actually left the store. A tip would have been nice, but whatever. They were college students. I understand.


So tonight - Kerby Lane post-work with Bri and Chris. I don't think I could have found two more entertaining people to spend my night with than these two lovely folks. Seriously. And I'd call them my friends before calling them my residents. I think we might plan a trip soon to go float the river, as soon as the weather warms up a little wait. I can't wait. I went once over this past summer with Meghan and her bf and it was some of the most fun I've ever had. I can't wait to start planning. We talked about these plans over hot chips and steaming white queso..mmmm mmmm gooooood :)


Bri: "I was drinking so much I almost lost my ID." ...Chris: "Did you just say you were chinking so much you almost lost your ID?!" - I think I almost peed myself laughing so hard at this before mentioned conversation. Which only led us into another conversation about ID's, in which I remarked on Chris' freshman ID for school, telling him that it looked like his name should be Chancho. Why? Not sure exactly. But once again I don't think I've laughed harder in the past couple months than I did tonight with them. Funniest shit ever.


Now, full of Kerby Lane and with sleep in my eyes, for the first time in over a week I will go to sleep with a smile on my face. I can't wait. I've been posting about how the nights are the hardest, and believe me, it's still not easy even now, but I just feel so at peace right now. Tonight was well needed, these people I spend my time with mean so much to me. I love these late night hours when I can just act like a shithead and be totally stupid and goofy and we all just laugh our asses off at nothing. It's amazing. So tonight I'll sleep full, cozy, warm, and full of excitement for the new day.


Because as I've said before, morning time means an opportunity for newness, to start over refreshed, to enjoy life for the little things each separate day hold. I will sleep tonight with happiness on my mind and love in my heart, because through it all, I know everything is going to be alright.

The Loop.

I've been listening to these guys so much lately. Mimicking Birds...if you like Modest Mouse you might be a fan of them as well. I dunno what it is, perhaps the guys voice, or the calming guitar, or maybe even the lyrics that speak so loud to me. I heard this song I put in this post about a month ago, and since then I've listened to a bunch of their other music and I've fallen head over heels in love with them. I now make it a part of my morning routine to play a little bit of their music as my day starts. I feel like it's appropriate.


Soon now too that light will die,
Soon now too that light will die,
but its energy never does..
It burns in some other new blood.

Morning Sunshine.

I like the mornings. Mornings mean coffee, sunshine, and newness. I like feeling..new. Of course nothing is really actually new in the sense that anything's been changed, but I always liked the mornings simply for the metaphorical reasoning that the dawning of a new day means the dawning of a new chance at life. Another day to live, breathe, experience, etc. Today I'm going to make the most out of my day, in whatever way possible. I'm not quite sure yet how I'm going to do just that, but I suppose I'll figure it out as the hours roll by.


Update: It's now been about an hour since I made this post, and I've realized already that I'm excited for this semester. I just finished up my 9am class in French 4, of which I was expecting not to like. However, not only do I like the class, as well as my professor and the kids taking it with me, but I also like being forced to wake up earlier than I normally would, which then kind of creates a sense of appreciation for the times when I do get to sleep in longer than usual. I have a feeling that taking this class is only going to do good for me. I'll have my mind thinking at an early hour, I'll be up and ready for the day...it's a chance for me to see life from a new vantage point, one of which I don't think I'll mind.


Day 2 of classes, already looking promising.

It's always the hardest at night,
it's always the hardest during these twilight hours.
When the sun goes down, the temperature drops, and the mood settles in for the evening.
It's always the hardest at night,
it's always the hardest at night.

Happy first day!

Good morning everyone! It's the first day back to school. Well for us college kids that is - it's my 3rd to last semester of my college career..woah. That's crazy. It's Lindsay's last semester of college...not sure what to make of that. I can only imagine what she thinkgs of everything. Come August she'll be mvcing to Portland..I'm not sure what I'm going to do without her here, but I don't think it's going to be bad. I just think it's going to be different.


And that's how I have to think of the rest of my life as well - things might not be awesome, or the same, but that doesn't necessarily mean that things are bad. Life is pretty alright right now; I have, as of right now, three shows lined up for the semester and I plan on adding more to that as soon as I get around to emailing a couple more places.


I've got an exciting semester lined up, I can feel it. My classes look promising (I've only had one today already, I have another one coming up at 5:25) and I feel like while this is going to be a busy semester, I already foresee it being packed with memories to look back upon with a smile on my face.


It's a beautiful day today, my classes are going well, I got my meal plan money back (hell yes), and I'm going to see my best friend play a free show downtown tonight. Love is all around me, the weather is perfect, and things seem to be falling into place just perfectly :)

Amy's Chocolate Covered Strawberries

aka Chocoberries

My favorite part about my job is being able to work this. This will now by my third year in a row in which I get to participate in chocoberries. Every year it gets more fun I think. Working 9-10 hour shifts at production with all Amy's folk, making up delirious songs about the berries while working, getting covered in both dark and white chocolate...it's a fun experience, and it gets better every year.



Why so much rain?

The weather has been absolute and complete shit for the past almost week now. Blahh. It's horrible outside - cold, wet, slightly drizzly, damp, gray...it's not any type of weather in which anyone would want to be outside in. And of course, I feel like the weather is always parallel to what's going on in my life - if it's not sunny and bright and nice outside, then I feel like I can't be sunny and happy about my own life. Which is of course how I feel about things right now. I'm just caught in the middle of some unfortunate tornado right now, and it keeps twisting my thoughts back and forth, back and forth. I'd really appreciate for the sun to start shining now. And not just literally, but figuratively too - I'm tired of feeling like I'm about to burst into tears at any given moment.


Things are so weird right now - he stayed the night last night, completely unintentional. I feel as though he thinks I invited him over just so I could have him stay. Not true. Honestly, I really didn't think he was going to stay anyways, and I was completely ready for him to leave my room at any minute. I don't want to be a point of conflict or annoyance in his life. I'm pretty sure I am, and that hurts me a lot. I don't like causing trouble, I don't like shaking things up. I feel like I'm messing up everyone's lives involved in this, and I don't know how I'm supposed to go about fixing it. I'm tired of crying over this, I'm tired of feeling like shit about myself every day.


My life? It's awesome. I have some of the best people in the world as a part of my life. Seriously..my friends are some of the greatest people I've ever met. I've learned so much from everyone I've met just in the past 6 months, so it's crazy to think that if they've had such a significant impact on my outlook on life just from this short time period what impact they'll have on my life in the long run.


I know I'm a changed person, I know things are different. But I do also know where my feelings stand for L. And I know that it won't matter what guys I meet, or what I do, or who I hang out with, or what shows I play..I know that in the back of my head nothing matters because I don't get to have him to do all of this next to me.


I know that one day I will be with L. When my feelings are so strong as they are now, I know that whatever's going on right now in my life is real. These are real feelings, and I don't foresee them going away anytime soon. In fact, I really don't see them going away anytime ever. It just makes it 10x's as hard right now when I know there's another girl involved. It just makes me feel..insufficient. Like I don't matter. And while I know that is not true, and I know that he says he still loves me, it's kind of hard to think in terms of the future, knowing that one day we'll end up together when right now I'm kind of in the mindset of just saying fuck this, I feel like shit right now, and it's not fair. Love isn't fair, ever. Someone always gets hurt.


I'm so grateful for all my friends though - they've truly been able to show me the light through all of this. I lose sight so much of all the beautiful things going on in my life, so it's nice to have reminders from those around me that my life is pretty awesome, and I have a lot to be thankful for. Hence why I want to get my tattoo this February, or if not by the end of January, depending on how much money I have.


Never Lose Sight. I know I've posted this before, but I like being able to constantly remind myself. If I get a permanent reminder on my arm, then I doubt I'll ever forget how much of a fucking awesome life I live. Seriously. I get to play music in town, I get to hang out with some pretty cool people all the time, I have 2 fantastic jobs, I'm training for a marathon...life is pretty damn good, I'd say. I can't lost sight of how far I've come, I can't. It's not fair to myself, or to the people around me. I've built myself up to such a good place in my life that I couldn't ever see myself looking at things otherwise. So. I won't ever lose sight, never ever.


There is too much opportunity in this beautiful world to think otherwise.