You know those moments in life when you think that life starts to go a little weird and things start to get a little funky, and right when you thought that things couldn't possibly get worse.. well.. they do? Yeaaa. That just happened to me. And what's so funny about it all is that I almost feel so crazy enough as to just sit back and literally laugh out loud at everything that just happened. Seriously. I want to scream my god damn lungs out, laugh like a lunatic, and revel in just how bad things can be.
And it's just funny because I couldn't possibly have imagined things to end up like this. I don't really even know what to think right now. Maybe I should just go to sleep and not think about anything. God I hate sleeping though..even though it's refreshing, I just..I hate laying in bed right before I fall asleep. And I hate waking up. And I hate dreaming about how things could be or how things are or about all the shit that's going on in my life. I hate hate hate the night's right now. I start to feel sick to my stomach, literally. I'll cry myself to sleep sometimes and will drive myself to the physical sensation of wanting to throw up. It's awful. And I can't help it, and I feel pathetic when I do start to cry.
And so I laugh. And I feel crazy, and mad, and out of my mind. At least I'm not sad though, right? I can't really say anything more on this subject, other than I think my brain is about to melt out of my effing head right now and pool itself into a little mass on the ground. Awesome imagery, yeaa?
Anyways. Sleep is in the near future for me, yet I'll put it off tonight until as long as possible. I can't escape it, just like I can't escape my life right now. Life is inevitable, either and any way you look at it. I can't stop it from coming at me head on, sometimes. And sometimes, you just gotta suck it up and deal with it.
And so I'm dealing.
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