The man friend is in the computer lab studying right now, and I'm here in his room blogging when I should be finishing up my paper. I only have...ohh.. about 6 lines on it left to write before I'm finished with the damn thing, but of course, procrastination being my middle name, I opt for my social media sites instead.
I often times wonder how I ended up with someone so wonderful as C...I know I've talked about him a lot in my past posts, but I still can't help but think that after everything I've gone through and after all the pain I've had to deal with, that I would still end up with someone so good for me that I could truly know what it means to be in a healthy relationship.
Several of my friends right now are going through relationship troubles themselves, and it's weird because I feel like I'm usually the one caught in the middle of some relational turmoil, but now that my status is in a state of peace, and I'm hearing from them about everything that's on their minds, I can't help but see myself in both of their situations.
I've realized that from my time with C, although we haven't been together that long, I know now what it means to be in a healthy relationship - when someone truly loves you and wants to be with you, they want to spend all their time with you, always want to be around you, show you off to their friends, etc...it's hard when you've been in a relationship so empty to see the good in people sometimes, but now after being in probably the most fulfilling relationship of my life to date, I'm hoping to use this experience now to give as much advice as possible to my friends in need. I've honestly had some of the shittiest things happen to me, I've been with someone who bruised my heart so bad, I know what it feels like to be hurt - I know what it feels like to be rejected, and I know that the only thing worse than being alone is being in a relationship and still feeling alone. There are some things in life that no matter how many months and years have gone by, you might be able to forgive someone for hurting you so bad, but you certainly can't forget what they did to you. I try to use these experiences in the most positive way possible, in noting that I know when I have something good I've got to appreciate it. I know a good thing (or a good someone) when I have it...or at least I do now. And I know enough to appreciate the love I've found in these past couple months is something that most people don't find enough of, unfortunately. I try to share my good experiences of love and positivity with those hurting around me not to gloat but to try and push hope and rays of light to the dark times I know people sometimes face.
I love my friends more than anything in the world, and to see them hurting now truly affects me to the point where I hurt for them too - these people do not deserve what's been going on to them, and I only hope that they can continue to see the good things that are going on in their life for them to realize that their is hope for them in the near future. Things always get worse before they get better, or at least sometimes that has to be the case.
I made a pact with myself several months ago that after seeing several people in my life, both of who are extremely close to me, get hurt beyond recognition, that I would NEVER do anything purposefully again to hurt another human being. I have seen too much pain and destruction happen to some of the best people in the world to want to do harm to anyone else. I have been through too much shit myself too to realize that it's not worth it to put someone through the stress of an emotional breakdown. I feel like love doesn't get around too much these days, and that's unfortunate...there needs to be more love and happiness floating around in the hearts of the world for the sun to keep on shining.
But anyways...I speak loosely now. My thoughts are flowing but I need to get back to my paper...I can only hope that those closest to me realize that things DO get better, and that despite all the shit that's been going on, there are always people around to talk to, to cry with, and to let it all go..because sometimes, that's really all you need.
In love (and smiles) always...
xo
Jardin
No comments:
Post a Comment